Articles

I never wanted to be an evil stepmother...

I had not thought of myself as a bad person before I became a stepmother. Quite the opposite, in fact—the adjective most used to describe me had always been nice, as in, “You’re so nice, you wouldn’t send...

Helicopter parenting: Why you should give your teens more freedom

My teenagers call me a bunny mom. Let me explain. We live in an affluent suburb with high-performing public schools, and many of our kids’ friends have tiger moms and helicopter dads who heavily police...

The myth of the alpha leader is destroying our relationships—at work and at home

According to a Fox News article written by Suzanne Venker, women’s achievements in the workplace are dooming their marriages. As women are increasingly “groomed to be leaders rather than to be wives...

Why you will (eventually) marry the right person

As 2016 drew to a close last month, I opened my newsfeed with dread, braced for more gloomy tidings. Sure enough, amidst the news round-ups and “best of” lists was The New York Times’ most popular article of the year: “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.”

Offices should follow the lead of the NBA and create “hustle stats”

Have you ever heard of Rosalind Franklin? Probably not. But you certainly know of James Watson and Francis Crick. They won a Nobel Prize for describing the structure of DNA, a discovery they wouldn’t have made if they hadn’t seen Rosalind Franklin’s x-ray photograph...

The idiotic argument Americans use in almost any political debate

After the US congress recently failed to pass any of the latest gun control bills, Arizona senator Jeff Flake argued on National Public Radio that if we’re going to bar people on a federal terrorism watch list...

Deciding whether to stay married requires real honesty

Most members of Western society would agree that physical abuse is a valid reason to end a marriage, but that bright line marks the limits of our consensus. Beyond that line, opinions have become...

Let mom down from the pedestal: in praise of the messy, imperfect, authentic mother

I loved Mother’s Day when I was a child. I loved it so much that I once gave a beribboned pot of wild violets and a big paper heart that said, “Happy Mother’s Day!” to a childless neighbor. I didn’t understand...

Dear Prime Minister Trudeau, a modest proposal from a Canadian-American

Dear Prime Minister Trudeau, I understand that your mind is occupied by great matters of state; I beg forgiveness for my intrusion upon your time, but I do hope that you will spare a brief moment for my...

The inconvenient truth about love — and divorce

When Gwyneth Paltrow announced her split from her husband using the term “conscious uncoupling,” the media and blogosphere went wild. While some commentators congratulated the couple for taking a non-confrontational approach to divorce, most people ridiculed...

Do all young women really need to stop drinking?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recently recommended that all women of childbearing age who could become pregnant should abstain from alcohol consumption. Some have called the manner in which the organization....

Nearly all of our medical research is wrong

Something is rotten in the state of biomedical research. Everyone who works in the field knows this on some level. We applaud presentations by colleagues at conferences, hoping that they will extend the same courtesy to us, but we know in our hearts...

There’s a good reason Americans are horrible at science

The United States of America has arguably done more to advance science in the modern world than any other country on earth. From the nimble ingenuity of Silicon Valley to the ascendency of US military technology, this nation has impeccable...

It’s completely ridiculous to think that humans could live on Mars

Our 12-year-old daughter who, like us, is a big fan of The Martian by Andy Weir, said, “I can’t stand that people think we’re all going to live on Mars after we destroy our own planet. Even after we’ve made the Earth too hot and polluted for humans...

It’s time we stop pitying children of divorce

When I was traveling in Pakistan, I received a lot of pity for being North American. People would ask with horror, “Is it true that you live in a different city from your parents and siblings?” When I said yes, they would shake their heads mournfully...

How a doctor with cancer quantified the value of life support

“If I die” is a quintessentially American phrase, a bit of semantic sloppiness that reveals our state of denial about death. We don’t use the phrase to boast of immortality, but to avoid the twinge of uneasiness that comes from saying, “When I die.” Acknowledging the...

How America’s collective baby worship sets mothers up to fail

“Angelina Jolie has raised a polite teenager!” is not a headline we’re likely to see on the cover of celebrity magazines ever. Jolie’s baby bump in 2006, on the other hand, was huge news! The monotone beep of grocery barcode scanners still evokes images in my mind of...

What doctors know about death that the rest of us don’t

Yet another story recently surfaced about how doctors don’t die like everyone else. Doctors die quietly at home, surrounded by family—not in the hospital like most Americans. This difference has been ascribed to knowledge about the limits of modern medicine...

Designer babies won’t destroy the human race

There has been a lot of chatter in the media lately about the threat of designer babies to the future of the human race. The United Kingdom recently voted to legalize “three person babies” created from the nuclear DNA of two parents and the mitochondria...

The real moral of “Cinderella” that everyone’s missing

Disney has just released a live-action version of Cinderella, a retread of the beloved 1950s animated classic, complete with poofy gowns, glass slippers, anthropomorphic mice, and a magic pumpkin. This version of the fairy tale, based largely upon Charles Perrault’s 1697 publication...

Having children is not the formula for a happy life

After we wrote a book about the sacred cows of marriage and divorce, we were asked to tackle one of the sacred cows of American parenting. The article generated a dismaying volume of hate mail from those who perceived it as an attack on parenthood, but it also sparked a...

The 50% divorce rate stat is a myth, so why won’t it die?

The divorce rate in America is rising. Do you think that statement is true? If you do, you’re not alone. As Claire Cain Miller recently pointed out in an article for The New York Times, we hear about the rising divorce rate in the news all of the time. This is curious...

How American parenting is killing the American marriage

It is common knowledge that research studies have demonstrated the harmful effects of divorce on children. Surprisingly, that common knowledge turns out not to be supported by evidence. Although proponents of marriage would like us to believe that kids with...

Let’s stop pretending that marriage is hard work

Every sentient being in America knows that marriage is hard work. We know it in the same way that we know that breakfast is (or was) the most important meal of the day and money doesn’t buy happiness. We have grown up hearing such phrases so often that they have become...

Turn your marriage vows into a binding contract

Throughout most of recorded human history, marriage was a means for consolidating wealth, improving social status and creating a miniature labor force from the fruits of one’s loins. Marriage contracts detailed the exchange of money, land and goods and the obligations of...

It’s time to accept this fact: A really great marriage is rare

Greater gender equality leads to divorce. Women’s increased earning power leads to divorce. Men shouldering the burden of household chores leads to lower marital satisfaction and increased risk of divorce. These are just a few examples of handwringing in the...

Everything we think we know about being the child of divorce is wrong

Sometime between when we were children and when we had children of our own, parenthood became a religion in America. As with many religions, complete unthinking devotion is required from its...